Today, on February 22, 2015, I arrived in Columbus, Mississippi by plane. My mother, Anne, uncle, Jimmie, and partner, Myra, dropped me off at Seattle Tacoma International Airport the night before just in time to catch a red-eye to Columbus by way of Atlanta. I had a backpack loosely packed with my Surface Pro, chargers for my phone, headset, FitBit and GoPro, and most importantly, clean underwear. I hadn't planned to stay more than a day. In fact, my hope was to quickly convince Dadio to join me back in Seattle. I thought that my presence would give him the courage to fly. It didn’t.
It didn't take long for me to grab the keys to a rental and get on my way to Dadio's house. I arrived at ~10:30a. He wasn't home but that wasn't surprising. My entire family would typically be at church during this hour. I waited a while in my car before letting myself in. A few hours later, he arrived.
As Dadio pulled into the garage, I met him at his car door. My smile was met by his frown. He was clearly unhappy I was there.
"Why are you here, Tammy? What are you doing here?" he said. He was so pensive and distraught.
"Dadio, I couldn't let you go through this alone. I figured you could come back with me or we can go to the Jackson VA together!" I replied eager to help and turn the mood positive again.
He stood shaking his head, looking down. Suddenly raising his Bible over his head as if he was going to throw it down on the ground, he stopped himself just before he released it. He kept asking me, "Why did you come? Why are you here?" while he continued to get things out of his car including a new pair of pants in a JC Penny bag, a plate of food from the church, and the church program.
I followed him around the house as he put items neatly away - the plate of food on the kitchen counter meticulously placed, Bible and church program placed in neat designated spots in the study, pair of pants taken out of plastic and hung up in line with the rest of the pant family. Throughout this small adventure, he continued to rant at me about coming. He was so upset that I came.
"Tammy, I didn't want you spending all that money to come here....Oh My God!" he'd say.
"Dad, your health, your life means so much more than a plane ticket...." I replied.
"You shouldn't have come, Tammy, you shouldn't have come. Oh My God!" he went on and on.
He then grew very concerned about his clothes and how he looked. He talked about how other people at his job would notice that he wasn't dressed right. He mentioned high end stores like Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom's and Saks Fifth Avenue as places the people he worked with shopped. "My clothes don't fit right. I lost all this weight and look at how my clothes sag now. I look terrible," he said.
I was seriously confused and taken aback. Never, in my 45 years had I ever heard my father be so concerned about his civilian look. Yeah, getting ready for the Marine Corps Ball, I absolutely expect meticulous perfection about the attire. But my father went to work in the VA Affairs office of Oktibbeha County in jeans, tennis shoes and a collared shirt on a regular basis. This sudden concern about looks and stores to shop at was shocking to me.
"Dadio, you look great. You look sexy! Here, let me pick out what you should wear to work tomorrow..." I jumped in. He let me lay out his clothes to wear and then he allowed me to convince him to eat. He yelled at me from the bedroom, down the hallway, pass the bathroom, pass the study, pass the living room, pass the hallway closet and finally into the kitchen when his tone changed immediately to the soft loving Dadio that I knew, "You want some?" as he lifted his plate of church food to my nose to smell and try. In this moment, he was still in there…taking care of his sweet-pea.
"No, I'll eat this catfish that Aunt Peggy made," I responded. I couldn't believe how sudden he went from yelling about me coming to a soft loving dad. It didn't last long.
When he finished eating, he neatly folded his paper plate with his napkin into a neat square. He then neatly placed his fork on top of the plate and gently pushed the two items into the trashcan under the sink. Once his trash was thrown away, he immediately started reprimanding me for coming to Starkville again.
I quietly finished my catfish, threw away the remains, and reached up on top of the refrigerator to grab the container of prunes. As soon as I popped the lid of the prunes, Dad surprised me again! He quickly lowered and softened his voice to say, "Hey let me get a couple of those." I handed him the container with the last two prunes at the bottom. Yes, I still have that prune container. It’s the last thing my father and I shared.
Once he finished eating, he picked up where he left off expressing his disappointment, shock, anger and dismay about me coming to town.
At one point, he said he needed to work on his speech for the Jail and Bail event that was coming up on that Wednesday. I let him have his space so he could work. I sat in the family room and was startled when after ~30 minutes, he was suddenly standing next to my chair. He made no sound coming into the family room. He was just there….suddenly.
I was pleasantly surprised that he seemed a lot calmer. He said, "I'm sorry, Tammy, I just didn't want you spending all that money." He hugged me tightly.
I said, "I love you, Dadio. I'm going to always be here for you. We will get through this together."
I didn't know at the time that that would be my last real hug with my father.
He was convinced he wanted to go to work the next morning. He said he wanted to rest. By now, he was already lying in bed. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and left his door open as he requested. Remembering what my mother had said about his nightmares, I locked my bedroom door.
I had planned to go with him to work the next morning. I was hopeful that if I could get him into the car, I would be able to get him to Jackson or someplace I trusted could and would help him.
